The Little Things

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“Each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known.”

          Every second of your life is composed of a thousand doors these doors are constantly opening and shutting. Behind each door holds a different destiny. The fate of your future lies in which door you choose to open. Your fortune and success is calculated to the millisecond. This very exact moment is comprised of every wrong door that has misguided you. Each mistake has sculpted and molded your tomorrow.

    At your lowest moment you found light slipping through the cracks of a door near by. It led you to find serenity in a nearby coffee shop. It paved the way to everything that you ever grown to love.  Every minute encounter we have ever made has shaped us as a whole. Every hello, goodbye and glance across the room has influenced the beat of our heart.

       Each outcome of your entire life can be different. You can fail school or be top of your class. These moments determine the jobs you receive, the people you love and the people you lose. Every decision you make, or choose not to make, would make a different outcome throughout your life.

    When you make these decisions, make sure they are for you and not others. Make sure you get a chance to live out your dreams and not spend your whole life impressing others and worrying about what they think.

     Make sure your spend time with the people who matter the most to you. All that will ever matter in your final weeks of occupying this planet is love and relationships.

     Unfortunately you are only one person but thankfully you have the potential to make a thousand possibilities. What kind of impact are we going to have on this universe after we are gone?

  The contents of the human body is made up of the same material as galaxies. Maybe we are not supposed to know. Maybe true meaning of life while you have it is to simply give it some meaning.

      Look up into the night sky and allow yourself to see more than you did before. Do not feel small, insignificant, unimportant or pointless. Instead thank your eyes, your brain and your body (your own silent companion throughout your life) for allowing you consciousness at such an extraordinary time period where humans are able roam earth.

     Let yourself be happy. There’s a point in your life where you realize happiness is your choice. Take risks, express yourself and overall just let yourself experience what life has to offer.

 Life is a game of chance and a million doors, play it like you’re willing to win.

The Balancing Act

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Ladies and Gentleman welcome to the greatest show on earth.

   One foot in front of the other, we all walk the tightrope in this balancing act called life. With our arms open wide we try to find the balance and strength to keep us steady. As we stand still with only the sound of our breath echoing through our exhausted bodies; we perform. Our focus is to be brave in our pursuits- to keep our weight centered. The practice of balancing love, health, and dreams will forever be the greatest and most terrifying show on earth.

   The misguided play it safe and inch slowly across the tightrope, eyes clenched shut, the fear of falling paralyzes they’re body making it hard to look down. If they only knew how beautiful these sights truly were. These fear struck people harvest worry and stress deep within themselves, always wondering which step will be their last. Shaking in fear they permanently detach themselves from life’s true fortunes. Like herds of wild sheep they move in the same direction as the masses do. Missing out on the chance to feel alive.

  Some like to push their limits to the absolute extreme. They challenge their boundaries with stunts and tricks to keep the crowd wanting more; to keep the adrenaline pumping through their veins. With their chin held high they take in the astonishing view. Knowing this is the life that is meant to be lived by all.

   There are wolves that lead the sheep and there are the wolves, that lead the wolves. These people lead the wolves. They are the daredevils, the lost souls.

   As we perform our astonishing act in front of magnificent crowds we are judged.  They critique our appearance, our clothes, and our technique. We forever feel pressure to be the best, to be the person who makes them come back for more.

   We all play on different levels in this life. Some are dancing in the clouds that brush the peaks of Mount Everest. Some are among the stars where they align so beautifully to tell the mythical stories of the past.  These people walk through life with passion, love and a yearning to find happiness around every corner.

   Meanwhile, some are struggling to breathe down in Death Valley with negativity and anxiety racing through their clouded mind. Dust fills their lungs making it hard to even breathe. These people may not understand it now but soon enough they will realize that they made the decision to live like this.

   As the years slowly drift away your tight rope becomes weak from the heavy weight it’s been holding for all these years. It becomes thin and fragile. And with time it will break leaving you to lose your balance.

   Life flashes before your eyes. As you take a plunge towards earth’s reality; you reflect. Moments of your life that you held so close to your heart playback like an old tape recorder.

“These moments actually end up defining who we are. The thing is each one of us is the sum total of every moment that we’ve ever experienced with all the people we’ve ever known. And it’s these moments that become our history.” – Nicholas Sparks

Hopefully you succeeded and those precious memories put a smile on your face. You want to have a great fall. You shot for the stars and my god you made it.

   For some their rope breaks too soon. The way their rope was crafted had error- an unfortunate defect. These people are missed dearly by thousands of others who balance on the rope beside them. Their performance will never be forgotten.

   When I die I want to fall from where even the birds do not fly. I want to fall where the stars shine.

  We are all walking on tightropes in this glass globe fearing the day we fall 6 feet under the frost line. Make your show spectacular.

 

Another one (2016 edition)

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FIVE, FOUR, THREE, TWO, ONE. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! As screams of joy and champagne rattle the house I am faced with another year gone. But most importantly a new beginning. Images of the past race through my mind and I am reminded of 2015, the year of happiness. I’ve waited for this year for a very long time.

I take a few deep breaths and my mind is now brought back down to earth. A smile slowly takes over my body and I feel enlightened by the fact that 2016 will be the year I continue my pursuit of happiness. With 2016 comes new goals and aspirations. The mystic sense of re-birth.

Everything holding you to a life you don’t want to live is a prison created by your own mind. Man sacrifices way to much of their time to please others. Don’t tear yourself apart when you endure a situation you can’t control. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. There is always someone out there who was dealt a worse card than you. You should always keep that thought lingering in your mind, hopefully it will give you some sort of peace. Jealousy is a destructive emotion. Celebrate people’s successes instead of burdening yourself with envy. Don’t let failure stop you from trying.  

     Take care of your mind just as much as you take care of your body. Your only connection with this world is through this vehicle we call our bodies. With every free hour you have let it not involve Netflix, checking Draft King scores or drowning yourself with biased social media. Do activities that remind you what it feels like to be alive. Make time for play and play hard. 

 Planning for the future is important, but don’t sacrifice all of the present. Your anxious mind needs to learn to live in the now. Because this is the only moment that is ever certain, NOW. Live consciously and try to avoid just going through the motions of everyday life and setting your dials to auto pilot.

    Overcome your fears. You can drown yourself in fear everyday or you can accept it, conquer it and move on. To be successful in today’s society you need to have the desire to win. You need that fire to burn inside you. Examine life, engage life with vengeance, always search for new pleasures and new destines to reach with your mind. You need to find a passion and goal that sets you apart from the rest. I live my life with zest, fervor, and a sense of urgency. There’s nothing like bearing witness to the fragility of life to make one live better. On the contrary you’ll never be the best. No matter how rich, no matter how beautiful, no matter how smart, there will always be someone better than you. In the end, we all end up in the same place, six feet below the frost line. Or reincarnated into a beautiful butterfly, who knows.

I believe a majority of people around me confuse pleasure with happiness. Pleasure is all about quick fixes. Sex, alcohol, shopping, how many likes you get on your selfie. Avoid shallow and transient pleasures. The true meaning of happiness is about meaning and self actualization. Find time for things that make you happy. For me I love to be outside, I love to write and read, paint and listen to music. Without these essential hobbies my life wouldn’t be half as full as it is now. This is all product of overcoming laziness as well. If you look back on your past year and realize that nothing has changed then you’re doing life wrong. If you’re still stuck in the same place doing the same boring things then you have simply gotten nowhere. You need to acquire new experiences and awakening challenges. This is the only way that you personally are going to be happy.

 Overall be merry. Wake up everyday with a smile on your face, know nothing is permanent.  Stop giving up and be the hero of your own life. Stop being so stuck on what people think of you . Find balance. Avoid excess and live life in harmony. Even good things, pursued or attained without moderation, can become a source of misery. Be a responsible human being. Approach yourself with honesty and thoroughness; maintain a kind of spiritual hygiene; stop the blame-shifting for your errors and shortcomings.Kindness towards others tends to be rewarded. Kindness to others is a good habit that supports and reinforces the quest for the good life. 

In your head design and articulate the most perfect life you can. Set goals and execute them. Dying with the knowledge you acquired over time and the memories of the experiences you flourished with will truly be the best feeling that you will ever have.

“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. Then he is so anxious about the future that he doesn’t enjoy the present: the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.” -Dalai Lama

 

 

 

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It’s approximately 11:58 pm and my room is illuminated by the moon peeking through the skylight. Well it’s not my room anymore, it’s a guest room. The posters of mountains are taken down and the shelves of books are packed away in brown boxes; placed in the attic with all my other belongings. Many bouquets of flowers given by loved ones have willowed away underneath this roof . Tears of despair as well as the sweetest kisses have been made underneath the moonlight that shines so bright. I’ve grown into a young women between these walls. These walls have seen me at my worst and yet every night before I fall asleep they find a way to make me feel protected and secure.

I look out the window and see shadows of the woods I used to run around in as a little girl. Dirt between my toes and flowers in my hair, I’d act out stories of princesses and dragons that lurked through the enchanted forest. Back then I controlled my demons, the demons did not control me. I’d stand proud and tall with such pristine confidence. My dreams and possibilities were infinite. In that moment I could be whoever I wanted. I was a weird one, yes. Collecting buckets of acorns every fall around the yard to offer to the squirrels before they went into hibernation. I’d line the buckets up in front of the stonewall where they all lived and wished them luck. I also slept with all my stuffed animals so none of them would get offended. I cared about every living thing and had no hate in my heart for any imaginable soul. Back then I was daring and never took no for an answer. I would climb the trees that towered over the forest and ride my Barbie bike down any hill, without second guessing the consequences. I lived and thrived in those moments. With my crazy tangled dirty blonde hair I was me, Alyssa Lorie Wyson.

I think about my life now. I try my hardest to be the little girl I once was. But when you grow up it gets harder to focus on pure gaiety. Your mind evolves and you see the world in a whole new perspective.  Your body begins to feel emotions you’ve never felt before. You are permanently exposed to the evil that slips through the cracks of this earth. You see masses of people getting killed because of what they believe in. You encounter unfaithful people who cross the lines you hold so sacred to your heart. You see amazing people give up everything for the wrong reasons. As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down, probably will. Your life gets bombarded with reality and the fact that not everything or even anything is perfect.

I strive so hard for an exemplary life. Perfect friends, body, career, personality, love. Its pretty simple but yet so intricate because I’m coming to the realization that it’s absolutely impractical. I get so worked up in trying to be the crème de la crème.  But when I look outside of the box I know these won’t bring me what I sincerely need. They say a flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.

I personally think pure and true experience makes happiness. The precious memories that play on rewind in your head are the things that truly keep you alive. They may be in the past, but these moments still live on. You take these memories with you wherever you go. Our lives are defined by opportunities, even the ones we miss.

When I die I want those memories to be real, with real friends and amazing loves. I want to die remembering the times where I lurked through the thick green forests in South America and climbed the snowiest mountains in Switzerland. I want my heart to be filled with the memories of the nights I laid under the bright sky with someone I truly cared about. I want raw interactions, with people who think and love the same way I do. I want to look into someone’s eyes and adore them for exactly who they are. I want an Eat, Pray, Love kinda life.

I want to see who people are on the inside. I feel there are too many people who cover up their true selves just to please others. With media and society these days it’s enough to drive anyone a little crazy. That’s why we need to focus on ourselves for just a second and think about who we were when we were young. Go back to the days when we were free.

Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place.

Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. We are born in one day, we die in one day, we can change in one day and we can fall in love in one day. Anything can happen you just have to open your heart to it.



 

Once upon a time

Promise to myself 

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One day I hope I realize, it was all worth it. Every night before I fall asleep I want to raise my head high knowing that the heartache, hard work and worries was the hardest part. I pray that the reason the good things fell apart were so better things could fall together. That there’s a special place waiting for me and everyone I love in this world. I want to flourish and to forget about the petty insecurities that have been weighing me down for so long. I don’t want to waste away knowing that the days I’ve spent on this earth were only to make others happy, rather than myself. I want to grow into a strong woman who stands tall and doesn’t give into people’s deception. I want finally be able to stand up for myself. I don’t want to change the way I am so other people will like me, I just want to be me. I want to love myself enough to know that being me will always be better than pretending to be someone I’m not. That my time and presence is worth a whole lot more than I give myself credit for.

I’m young, naïve and I’ll believe anyone with a warm smile and security in their eyes. Second chances should only be given to people if they sincerely deserve it. You truly have to trust your instinct and know your word is the most powerful thing you have. That opening your heart and soul doesn’t necessarily mean that it will always be reciprocated back. You have to learn that sometimes you don’t get second chances as well; and when you don’t… that’s when you have to learn to break the cycle before all is lost. And if all ends up being lost and you have to start over, you pick yourself up with dignity and you begin to grow again. Hopefully stronger than you ever did before.

I’ve grown to become happier than I’ve ever been. With every step of determination I’ve built myself one heck of a life. I have everything I need to become better and conquer every climb. Looking back I’ve come a long way and that is something I’m very proud of. My plan is to never give up and to keep pushing forward, because when you’re not getting better, you’re getting worse. These days, time has been very valuable, my future is slowly falling into place. I have dreams of what life will be like when all this hard work and dedication pays off. But for now I try to live in the moment, for NOW is all we’ll ever really have. And even that can never be guaranteed. I want to train my mind to focus in the now. To let my senses overtake and listen to every part of the moment I’m in. Because when you’re in the moment all you have to worry about is now. Your future and past then becomes insignificant because they are not real anymore.

It’s all about learning to love exactly who you are and being your own best friend. I want to promise myself that happiness and serenity within will always be my number one priority. I want to promise myself that I’ll let go of negative people because they’ll always be irrelevant in my pursuit of happiness. I want to promise myself that love will forever overpower any other emotion. I promise to respect my morals and never settle for anything less than ideal. I want to be strong and courageous when knowing I’m the only one that make my life more amazing than all the rest.

For what it’s worth

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Life is extraordinarily precious. It is one word that has endless worth. A lot of people around us take this concept for granted. But what is key is that you don’t. If there is one point I want to make it would be to; Never spend your days going through the motions. The world is filled with culture and love, it is your job to let it flourish threw your veins. Please, never overlook the potential for greatness, for it lies in everyone. Don’t live your day to day life in fear of rejection. For you will never see what makes the grass greener on the other side. Take every encounter and challenge yourself to make it the best one yet. Love yourself and the ones around you unconditionally because if you give a flower food, water and time it will grow to be beautiful. Money had no worth and forever will be useless in your pursuit of happiness. Never give up on anyone you have loved, even if it has faded away. They will always be a part of your growth and your ability to stay connected will be your, thank you. Acknowledge and respect every human that crosses your path along your journey. For you may just need them one day.

   Don’t be Grey. There are too many people in this world that are an ugly shade of grey. As many have heard “Everyone is fighting their own battle” so be the sword that helps them conquer instead of being the sword that pierces their flesh. It also feels good to be good, believe or not. What harsh soul would take comfort in seeing someone fall to their knees. Never step on people for your own liking because in the whole scheme of things you are the unappealing  one and karma will forever be at your tail end.

  The moon, the stars and the sun we all shine on. No matter how strenuous your life can get you can rely on change, only if you are truly willing to change yourself. You will always end up moving on, one way or another. Everyone has been through a fair share of obstacles in their life. No one has a clean happy slate. To whatever happened, know that it is behind you, it is over and in someway it has made you a better person. Forever take a positive out of a negative.

 Life is a fabulous gift and every second should be spent purely loving who you are, there is no need in being so hard on yourself. Take time to admire every person you cherish, because in a blink of an eye they could be gone. Remind them that you care about their wellbeing and reassure them that they mean the world to you. It’s a big world and one kind action could influence thousands more. Know that you are truly blessed to be able to walk on this earth. Take your time and solely be at peace with yourself. Because a happy mind is a happy life. And for what it’s worth, it’s worth a lot.

Beau·ti·ful

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     Ask yourself, what in your eyes makes a person beautiful? It’s a cumbersome question but many people in this world misconceive the simple adjective. It is not measured by how much you weigh, the clothes you wear or the color of your skin. The amount of friends you have or how successful you come to be. It is measured in the kindness that lives and flourishes in your heart. How you give and receive love from others day after day. It is gauged by the compassion that glows in your eyes when you talk about something you love. I find myself attracted to people who are passionate in creating a life that’s worth living. I find myself falling in love with people who make me second guess how I’m living my life and make me truly want to be a better person. The people who put others before themselves and whose sole priority is be positive. These selfless people are the ones who keep this world spinning round.
    Having a beautiful soul requires happiness in trusting that there is good in this universe and its going to gradually lead you where you are meant to be. One of my good friends once told me ” Beautiful people do not look for recognition but rather hope one day they will be repaid with good karma, because that is what they believe in”. These conspicuous humans never ask for anything in return. They smile while making sacrifices and acknowledge the beauty in everyone. They handle failure with grace and find strength in challenging moments.
        Being beautiful is truly treating people the way they want to be treated. I find no worth or greatness in treating people with disrespect. You do not rise in the occasion of putting people down and making them feel inferior. Those useless words and actions only prove your are not beautiful. This world does not need people with grey personalities and sour attitudes.
   I am writing this to make people realize that you are worth far more than you’d ever imagine. That being beautiful inside is far more powerful and rewarding. Physical beauty will forever fade but true beauty will always be in your heart. Be the voice of optimism and keep an open mind. To all, take a moment to reflect on yourself. Are you purely happy with who you’ve become? And do you bring serenity to the world around you?  In the sagacious words of Mahatma Gandhi “Be the change you want to see in the world”.

I’m my own Hero

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      As I think back on my life I see a world of happiness, laughs, sad days, good days and cries. But to be honest in time of need, I’ve never really looked up to anyone. Yes, I’d ask for advice from people or have said “wow their life is beautiful” but I’ve never really had a true hero. My parents and grandparents have always been with me through thick and thin but I’ve never really was inspired to be like them. I always wanted to be my own unique person. I never wanted them to mold me, I just wanted to be me.  So in my eyes, I’m my own hero.

    My intentions are not to be conceited. I think everyone should be his or her own hero. I’ve been through a lot mentally and emotionally in my life and there’s always one person I can rely on to help pull me out of it and that’s myself. I’ve dealt with extreme sadness and when I hit rock bottom I was the one who stood up and brushed the dirt off me knees. My dreams of living a happy life inspired me to keep moving on. I believe no one is going to save you but yourself, yes, people will help you but there too busy getting through their own lives.

One important factor you have to understand is the world doesn’t owe you anything. You make the choices and decisions in your life, if you happen to make bad ones then that’s your fault. The world isn’t going to give you a free pass to get out of it. It’s your job to pick yourself up and make sense of your problem. This is a part of growing up and evolving. This is a good quality to practice; being independent and open to change.

Superman isn’t coming, because Superman isn’t real. And even if he was real, he would probably be too busy to save us anyway. The good news is that we don’t need him. The responsibility for saving us and leading us to our best lives, is our responsibility and our responsibility alone.

But don’t get me wrong there is nothing easy about being your own hero. What is easy is making excuses and accusing others for our difficulties. Being a hero means keeping our power by always taking full responsibility over the quality of our lives. I failed to do that for far too many years and I paid a very heavy price for it, both physically and mentally. If we’re going to be heroes, we need to remember that excuses and blaming others for the quality of our lives is just as useful as trying to teach a fish how to walk. Relying on excuses and blaming others will only make us weaker and our problem stronger.

There are so many stories of heroes that have engulfed our history books and sparked are minds but there are some heroes that go unnoticed. The single mother who supports her three children, a teenage girl separating herself from an abusive relationship, a boy surviving depression and getting himself through it, they are the unsung heros. The list is endless and with these stories there is hope. These people are the epitome of what being a real hero is all about.

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. The gift of life is yours. It’s an amazing journey, and you alone are responsible for the quality of it.” -Dan Zadra

We can all do the same thing the moment we decide that no one has the power over our happiness, our well-being, or our best lives except for us. Scrap the excuses and blaming others. Stop thinking the world owes us something. No more waiting for Superman. From now on, if we ever need to be saved, we only need to remember this modest truth, the only hero that you’ll ever need is already here. Yourself.

Higher Change

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As we grow older we develop into who we really are. You find out new things about yourself everyday.We find out our strengths, weaknesses, what we like and dislike. I love mountains, I studder significantly, I dislike people who “talk the talk but don’t walk the walk”, and I’m a nerd when it comes to earth science. Change is apart of my/our everyday life. Think about your life a year ago, how much has changed? Some change is positive while some are negative. As humans we need change to get us higher.Deep down inside everyone, there is a person destined for greatness. It’s all about evolving and learning to be the best person you can be. We need change to help us grow. Without change we can become bored with our everyday lives. Which leads us into a slump and those are never fun.
Changing yourself is a process. You need to understand why you are doing this and what you don’t like about your life.
“Changing yourself, in order to be a better person, a stronger person, a healthier person, a smarter person, a nicer person, a more honest person, a more honorable person…….those are worthwhile reasons.”
Do it for yourself, not for the cute boy in math class or because you want to become more popular. It should be PUREly for your own happiness. Everyone wants to be happy and I am sure of that. You need out with the old and in with the new. Here are some reasons…

1. Personal Growth
You grow and learn new things every time something changes. You discover new insights about different facets of your life. You fix those dull points in your life, those little knicks in your personality. You learn important lessons even from changes that did not lead you to where you wanted to be. You also develop a new attitude every time your are faced with an opportunity to change.

2. Flexibility
Frequent changes make you easily adapt to new situations, new environments, and new people. As a result you do not freak out when something unexpectedly shifts. It helps you cope with problems that life throws at you. You have more of a smooth, relaxed approach to conquering conflicts.

3. Improvements
We all have things in our lives we’d like to improve—finances, job, partner, house, etc. All of us know that nothing will improve by itself. We need to do things differently to make that happen. Without change, there’d be no improvements. Its a good feeling when you upgrade aspects of your life. It makes you feel better about yourself and the life you created.

4. Life values
From time to time changes make you re-evaluate your life and look at certain things from a different perspective. Depending on what the change is, it may also reinforce your life values. The change of friends in your life can really help you look at things in a new way. It makes you glance at things in a different point of view. My friends at my job are much older than I and have been through a lot. So when it comes time to give advise they are a lot wiser than I am and have probably been though it already, so there advise is much more valuable and eye opening.

5. The Snowball Effect
Often we give up because we cannot accomplish the difficult task of making a huge and immediate change. That is when small changes become extremely valuable. One shift at a time, small changes will eventually lead you to the desired big one.

6. Strength
Not all changes lead you to pleasant periods of life. Unfortunately we do not live in fairy tale and sad things happen, too. Overcoming the tough period will make you stronger. I personally have been through a lot of struggles in my life dealing with myself and there is not a day where I wake up and regret those struggles because it made me stronger and they have molded me into the person I am today. These bumps, I believe, have made me a nicer more passionate person.

7. Progress
Changes trigger progress. Things move forward and develop because of the them. Changes are the fuel to your engine.

8. Opportunities
One never knows what each change may bring. When you turn from your usual path there will be plenty of different opportunities waiting for you. Changes will bring new choices for happiness and fulfillment. Know when your letting go of big pieces of your life that there will always be more to come. Just because you closed the door on a part of your life doesn’t mean that others doors wont open, because they will.

9. New Beginnings
Each change is a turning page. It is about closing one chapter and opening another one. Changes bring new beginnings and excitement to life. It always exciting to go one a first date with someone new, or walking into your first day on the job. Its refreshing and gives you hope that everything is going to be alright.

10. Routine
Going through the motions either with a relationship or an everyday schedule is never fun. It starts to wear and tear on you. It eventually brings you down without anything significantly bad happening. Breaking from routine can really be life changing.

“If there were no change, there would be no butterflies”

Always remember change in the end will be positive. Don’t get hung up on petty problems or the “fear” of change. I promise you, you will be okay.Change reminds us that anything is possible. It’s easy to think that anything that’s stuck will always be that way. But when you see things change, whether it’s in your life or some one else’s, it’s encouragement to know that nothing stays the same forever. There is always hope.

I will be your sister.

It’s hard for me to express in words how much one person or one incident can change your outlook on life. Throughout my life I believe I have only focused on my emotions, how I feel and what I’ve been through; I can get so wrapped up in my feelings that I don’t consider others. Its definite flaw I used to have.

Here’s how the story began… I can admit I was at a hard time in my life. Just breaking off from a dear friend and really trying to pick myself up and find the real me. What one usually does after being influenced by negative vibes for so long. Since I was in a rut I went on a search to surround myself with things that made me happy, something I could put all my efforts into. I started volunteering with children at my local Middle School. I have always been fascinated and inspired by the minds and ways of young children. In that time frame they seem to be infinite, so filled with PURE innocence and happiness. I began to help out by teaching kids how to be “Peer Mediators”. A Peer mediator helps their fellow classmates work out conflicts between each other. I was there for a couple of weeks talking, playing and helping the kids. For what I remember this took place in the tutors room of Mrs. Elizabeth Turner, a young, respectfully sassy teacher who caught my eye indefinitely. I remember saying to myself ” I hope when I’m her age I give off that sort of presence and glow just like her”. Every time she walked in the room children seemed to have a positive affection towards her. She had the persona of a young vibrant teacher everyone grew to love. As I started to see her regularly everyday she began to say hello.

Another club I’m involved in is BIG SIBS. A club where an older student (Me) is paired with a younger child in the middle school who doesn’t have the best family life or a role model at home. I was paired with a little blonde boy named Noah who is the coolest thing since sliced bread. Anyways… Every Wednesday I would bring Noah back to his classroom and then wait by the front double doors for the busses to leave. Every Wednesday while waiting by the double doors I would say goodbye to Mrs. Elizabeth Turner and her little 9 year old daughter who also attended the middle school as a fourth grader. They strolled down the hallway hand in hand with giggles in their conversation and a certain glow that engulfed them. She was the perfect example of a young mother in love and infatuated with her daughter. This was a usual thing to smile; wave and say goodbye to them as they took there commute back home together. For some peculiar reason I made it a point to say goodbye to them before I left every Wednesday. It lightened my mood, gave me reassurance and made me feel a sense of happiness in this time of uncertainty.

In the reality of life all good things dwindle down and come to an end, for the best or for the worst. One day you will die, one day you’ll loose the ones closest to your heart, one day you’ll just have to move on from something that doesn’t make you happy anymore. But in a million years I would of never believe that this young beautiful women I said goodbye to would no longer meet me at the double doors with a smile and a soft spoken goodbye. My small sense of happiness was taken away from me.

Wednesday December 12th, 2012 I believe I was the last to say goodbye.

On this day, on their way home from school, Mrs. Elizabeth Turner, Callie, and her unborn child got in a car accident approximately 15 minutes after leaving the school. Mrs. Elizabeth Turner and her unborn child died on impact, while leaving Callie in ICU at UMASS Memorial in Worcester.

The next day in school I heard a rumor that one of the Tutors at the middle school had died. Assuming it was not a big deal I did not start questioning until I got home. When I got home my little brother was choked up and in tears explaining to me his old tutor of two years died in a car accident last night and explained she had a daughter that always was in the school and was expected not to live. Right there and then it hit me I started asking questions along the lines of. Was she young? Dark hair, tan, extremely pretty? Has a daughter? The answers were unfortunately all yes. I then started to tear up and cry. Even though Elizabeth and I were only acquaintances she somehow seemed to brighten my day every time I saw her. She gave me hope that I had a chance to be happy, that people were not all the same.

I deep down in my heart believe I was drawn to her for an important reason. I personally feel enlightened by the fact that I had the honor to be the last to say goodbye.  Its like some higher power knew that my goodbyes were precious and meaningful, that they had girth to them. I was in such a rough time in my life that a little hello made all the difference. I was important enough to say hello to, a complete stranger found interest in me. It runs along the lines of a cliché story about how two people know that they are of importance to each other but only catch each others eyes once before they are never to see each other again. I had the urge to stay a little later every Wednesday just to say goodbye, there has to be a purpose or reason to that. And there was…

As I sat solemnly in my bedroom pondering how ironic and devastating the news was. A voice in my head emerged, a voice that had brought me into this rut, my old dear friend that had left my side and it said, “It could be worse”. After that phrase popped into my head I thought of Callie. She had it worse.

Through out life you encounter bad days; days were you don’t want to live anymore. Days that make you want to give up and throw in the towel. But at the end of that day you have to suck it up and put yourself together. You know why? Because there’s someone, if not millions, out there in this world that has it worse off than you.  And the one person that came to mind was Callie.  She lost her mother and soon to be sibling all in one day. At that very moment I threw myself together and stopped dwelling on all the stuff that’s gone wrong in life and started thinking of all the stuff that could go right.
At that time my life wasn’t going all that well and I knew how it felt to lose someone, I couldn’t fix my problem. But I could fix Callie’s and make her day a little bit better just as her mother did in mine. I put all my troubles in the trash and set out to help this wonderful little girl. I started a fundraiser called the Callie Fund that raised money for her educational expenses. I spread the word, making flyers, talking on the school announcements and asking companies to donate money. I started to get checks at lunchtime from kids I’ve never seen before. Freshman and Eighth graders were putting their own lunch money in. Teachers gave me the idea of buying carnations and selling them around Valentines Day for Callie’s fund. I’d travel to the middle school and sell them as well. At the middle school they sold out five minutes after I sat down with the bucket. I began to realize people are truly considerate of others. Happiness grew inside me every dollar that dropped into the cash box. The satisfaction of doing a great help for someone is the greatest feeling in the world.
“To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived – that is to have succeeded”
                – Ralph Waldo Emerson

     As weeks went on I started to raise a significant amount of money and was determined to make a big change in this little girl’s life. Through this process I did not worry all about how much money I raised but how well Callie was doing in the hospital. I went to the guidance office daily to see if she had gotten out of ICU yet. I began to get worried about her conditions, sadly nervous about the chance that she wasn’t going to make it. Hearing she was in a coma made me sick to my stomach. Weeks went on with no response of her condition, until the day guidance told me she was safely home.  In that instant I knew this girl was going to be at the top of my priority.         
One Wednesday afternoon while strolling into the middle school to go meet Noah at Big Sibs the middle school guidance counselor Mrs. Okerman, who I know very well, exclaimed she had a surprise for me. Startled and confused I had no clue what she was talking about, maybe more money for the fund? As she led me into the office I turned the corner to see a tiny girl on crutches playing hangman on the white board. As we locked eyes the brightest smile came upon her. The scars on her face couldn’t hold back how beautiful this little girl really was.  The way her short hair hugged her face, the way her smile warmed my heart. Still shaken up from her first day back at school she began to giggle and in that moment I saw her mothers eyes, her smile, her laugh; my sense of happiness flowed back into my heart and I knew everything was going to be okay. Callie was okay.
    Mrs. Okerman told me for now on Callie was going to be my little sib. With a giggle and a smile she introduced herself and gave me the biggest hug. Her little arms barely fit around my waste. In that moment I knew I had the responsibility filling the void of her not having a sibling or a mother. As Callie followed the other kids out into hall Mrs. Okerman pulled me to the side and said “ Alyssa you know Callie was the one who confronted me about BIG SIBS. She told me since she didn’t have a mother or a little sibling anymore, she asked if could she have an older sister instead to make up for it since she didn’t have anyone to look up too”
   I remember starting to cry. Hearing that someone needs you is reassuring that you are important in someone’s life. I will be there for her when she needs someone to talk to. I will help her grow into a lovely young woman just as her mother was. I am drawn to her just as her I was drawn to her mother. There was a reason why I waited a little bit longer to say goodbye to them, as they made their way home everyday.
   Callie is my little sense of happiness in life. She calls herself a miracle child and to me she is more than that. In the end I raised almost $2,000 with donations still on the way. Callie and I talk on the phone almost every day; we write to each other and give each other presents. I have helped her through her latest surgery and visit her all the time. We talk about clothes and our crushes we have on boys, what sisters truly do. I am so thankful I have her in my life. Even though I have helped her a great deal she has helped me more than words could explain. I have overcome many obstacles and in the end I learned you will say goodbye to many people in your life but what you take from it is what really matters.